Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Babes on top.

You should all really watch this it is very much a brain turner.
Guardian Article about the film

 Round of respect and applause to Eleonore Pourriat.

K Bye

Chinwagging films.

Holla, I have recently been working so much my brain has now turned into a mushy cereal like consistency, and seeing as I still have a flood of work to do I thought HAHA, instead of staying on top of it I should really procrastinate away from it all and indulge in some mini film reviews/rants. The weather has been such a thundering cloud of shit recently I've been having alot of film nights, also as it is snazzy film award season (where we perve on beautiful film people and their beautiful bouffy hair) so there are some gooduns out and about.

12 Years a Slave
Brutal and uncomfortable, but brilliantly done, I highly recommend that you give your dear brain a good half an hour after this film to emotionally recover. Chiwetel Ejiofor is a saint of an actor and the rest of the cast are phenomenal, I now have an undying love for Lupita Nyong'o. Just watch this film to understand the devastating brilliance of it.

The Wolf of Wall Street
I personally found this film disappointing, I mean the whole spectacle and style of it is amazing, Leonardo does a fabulous acting job. But after you have gone past the seventeenth drug/orgy/party scene its kinda gets a bit tedious (I even went for a pee halfway through which I never usually do as even my bladder usually loves to watch a film). I was quite surprised at how Scorsese presented Balfort, as there is no way into the character, I know that he is not meant to be likable but if you have watched 'Goodfellas' also directed by Scorsese the main character in that is also awful and does horrific things but Scorsese gives him to you in a way which you find engaging, where as with 'Wolf Of Wall Street' I found no way of engaging or being interested with Balfort. The entire film was also heavily sexist with every 70's stereotyping of a shitly written female character being on there, according to this film the only thing a woman can do is fuck and cry. I suggest if you want to see a Scorsese film watch 'Goodfellas'.

American Hustle
Loved the soundtrack on this film, that Jennifer Lawrence dance scene is the bomb and how the hair and makeup department didn't get nominated for an Oscar I have no idea, this film is all hair, costume and identity.The acting is very good Christian Bale and J Law kick the shit out of their characters but this film just lacked something, I mean it is good but its not great.It just needs a bit of depth, I lost interest and at times it felt like the characters where very obviously presented with no huge thought put into them. It is worth a watch if you are bored one afternoon and want something to watch, but I wouldn't put it top of the list.

I went into watching this film in a sarcastic light as I got it into my head that it would be like one huge Siri conversation, but I was wrong. I really love how Spike Jonze has written this film as its a love story but not a typical hollywood swooshy lovefest story. Its very clever and witty in areas and the sets are brilliant. All though Scarlett Johansson does a great job at voicing Samantha, I didn't feel like the female characters where that great and I felt some of the scenes dragged a bit with a few overly cheesy bits, but overall its worth a watch at least because it is a interesting perspective on a love story.

Dallas Buyers Club
I bawled my eyes out near the end of this film mainly because Jared Leto did a stunning job of making me fall completely in love with his character Rayon, also even though Mcconaughey's character is awful you also can't help but love him to. The film is very beautiful considering it was filmed on a shoe string budget, I guess my only criticism is that at times the acting does carry the film more than the actual story does, but otherwise would definitely recommend.

Inside Llewyn Davis
I'm going to be honest here, I didn't make its too the end of this film because it bored my tits off, the acting is good for what I did see its just so slow.That is all.

Films that you should watch if you want some films to watch.
The Intouchables
Shallow Grave 
The Spectaculr Now
Frances Ha
Being John Malkovich
Three Kings
Blue Velvet
Ghost World

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Joke of the century

Why didn't the man buy velcro shoes?

Because they were a rip off.

*slaps thigh, downs fifth vodka shot*

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Parents - Why you lie?

Dear Parents,
                     Where is my apple tree? I expected to have a fine orchard growing out of my ears by the time I reached this age. I was a fat kid therefore scoffed a good amount of apples complete with the pips, to which you would always look on warily and poke the phrase "If you eat the pips a tree will grow out of your ears!" I did of course take this seriously, so where is my fucking orchard? Also being a lazy kid I packed away hours of my life into watching a deadly combination of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Blue Peter and Hey Arnold! (Yeee 90's/early 00's TV) yet my eyes have not turned square, I am asking about the eyes because I have an acute theory that it would make applying eyeliner a hella of a lot easier if it was just drawing on a straight box like line instead of a curve, which always fucks up and requires a lot of spit finger dabbing.The last question is where is my hairy chest? Due to my addiction to toast, sandwiches and entire loafs of bread in general (fat kid problems, I love that gluten) you would also repeat the phrase "Eat your crusts to get a hairy chest!" I never understood this seeing as I was a girl and alot of girls I saw did not have hairy man chests poking through the tops of t-shirts, but I thought hey when my life fails I will at least have a fine carpet of chest hair, I can join a freak circus and knit jumpers out of the molting castoffs of my fine women chest hair and sell them for thousands (fashion would defs be all over those jumpers) but alas apart from an occasional nipple hair nothing happened.So this is me discovering where I got my disgustingly beautiful scary habit for telling a dam good lie(insert evil laugh here).

Lots of Love

From your gullible fat lazy child, who flourished into a gullible fat lazy lying adult.

K Bye 

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Him off of those videos.

Have not blogged in five entire days, this must mean I have created some kind of beyond internet life right? HAHA good joke, I have been on a film binge marathon which I shall not make your eyes bleed with boredom about right now, but one of the films I did watch was 'Her' written and directed by Spike Jonze. Mr Jonze is also a music video wunderkind and his videos are always on the healthy squidgy side of messy crazy so here are my five faves enjoy ya.(I was going to number them in order of favoritism but I'm an indecisive bitch so you decide)

LCD Soundsystem - Drunk Girls (Evil Pandas go cray cray)

Fatboy Slim - Praise You (Spike Jonze + dance group)

Beastie Boys - Sabotage (Loada 70's cops jumpin off stuff)

Fatboy Slim - Weapon Of Choice (Christopher Walken dope dancing)

Daft Punk - Da Funk ( Adventures of dog head man)

As an extra treat for getting to the end of this blog post watch this Ikea lamp advert by Spike Jonze.Just watch it you will understand after then you will chuckle.

K Bye 

Wednesday, 29 January 2014


Jay Z thanking a friendly park ranger for rescuing his wife from that pond.